By: jeanne.fury Posted in: featured, pic of the day, stupid crap On: Friday, December 2nd, 2011
File this one under, “How the shit did we not realize this sooner?!?!?” When your precious Floofy goes to clean his/her junk, Floofy is actually HAILING SATAN. Cats can’t throw the horns because they don’t have hands, but they are surely committed to darkness and have devised an evil substitute for the human race’s weak-ass two-finger salute. Oh, everybody thinks cats are self-cleaning machines, with their thorough grooming rituals. They’re partaking in a ritual, all right, a FUCKING SATANIC RITUAL. Take a moment to pick your jaws up off the floor. We are such poseurs, I can’t even deal. The Decibel offices are closing early due to shame and massive un-tr00ness. But don’t worry, humans. We will not go out like that. In fact, Albert and Andrew are having a secret meeting as I type this. They’re trying to re-create the feline five-point butt-licking dark star position to put the human race on par with the feline species when it comes to Satanic skills.
The human who discovered and documented this mindblowing phenomenon is artist Jerrod Landon Porter. On Jerrod’s Facebook page, he describes how he came to be enlightened that cat butt-licking is akin to worshipping the Dark Lord:
so, the story behind this cat pentagram is this… when i was 12 i was taking a picture of my cat. when i got the developed roll back i saw that she had started cleaning herself when i took the photo and her tail and legs made 5 points like a pentagram. i thought it was so evil and awesome! since then my beloved cat has passed and the photo lost. i know people have been asking for shirts, but i am trying to figure out a way to make them as available as possible without being a greedy bastard and making a buck off a tribute to my awesome cat.
Okay, so not only is Jerrod an observational genius (and, like, a really talented artist), he is a decent human being who doesn’t want to befoul his cat’s memory in the name of cashing in. Please ignore him. The design is in the running to be made into a T-shirt on Threadless.com. Go to the page immediately and vote for Jerrod’s awesome design so that it actually gets made so we can make it the official uniform of Decibel magazine. And as soon as Andrew and Albert can strike this pose, you best believe we’re putting that shit on a T-shirt and selling it for profit.