Beer: Effin’ Awesome
Brewery: Rinkuškiai (Lithuania)
Style: Lager – Euro Strong
16% ABV / 19 IBU
Practically everything about this beer is offensive, but let’s just start with the packaging. The label features a nekkid lady inserting a giant cigar into her mouth that is so obviously a phallus that Effin’ Awesome might as well change its slogan to “The beer that will suck your dick!” Unfortunately, Coors has already trademarked that, so Lithuanian brewery Rinkuškiai will have to settle for less fantastical, but probably more accurate, descriptors like “Naturally Fermented” and “Bottle Conditioned.” Fact of the matter is that even if you manage to finish this 16% ABV abomination, one wicked hangover would erase the memory of getting your ding-dong doodled.
What’s particularly sad is that Lithuania has a great tradition of craft brewing – it’s a point of national pride, and capital Villnius has one of the largest craft beer festivals in the world. I also recall reading that Lithuania has one of the highest concentrations of breweries per capita of anywhere in the world, and this piece of shit beer and its deplorable cousin Fuggin’ Awesome are like two of the only beers from Lithuania commonly available in America. Seriously, does Customs and Border Protection know about this? Can’t we sink the freighters before this reaches America, or maybe build a wall to keep this shit out?
It is possible that Rinkuškiai actually makes good beers – it’s a small family operation and they purportedly brew according to long-held recipes. It’s pretty telling that the two beers in the Awesome series are 16% ABV and come tagged with a giant label that proclaims the high alcohol content. Also, nothing good ever came of the “Euro Strong Lager” style; it’s just a fancy way of repackaging cough syrup for an unsuspecting audience. Effin’ Awesome literally tastes like medicine – a common problem with super high-gravity beers – but it’s so one-note that it leaps beyond “medicinal” to “acrid.” Consider this the Lithuanian Night Train, not fit for human consumption.
