For Those About to Squawk: The End AD, Morbid Evils, The Petulant, Portrait

Slim peckin’s this week, if you know what I mean. This week, we are going to review bands with only terrible names. Trust me, there’s plenty this go ‘round.

The End A.D. — There’s already been a band or two called The End. You can’t get more creative than The End A.D.? Anyway, I can’t really tell what’s going on here. There’s a promo pic with a girl in it, but she’s not in the video. I could only find one video online and it’s… not good. Music played by old people that sounds like music played by old people. I’m confused, clearly these are old punk rockers, just play what you know?  What’s with these vocals?  1 Fucking Peck.

So, I think the name Morbid Evils is a little silly… But anyway, ME’s new release, Deceases, on Svart is pretty ripping.  This is CRUSTY as peck, featuring Keijo Niinimaa from Rotten Sound fame on vocals and guitar. So what does it sound like? This is doom, death, sludge, a little drone, and this is NOT hipster or daddy doom. This is filthy as can be and really harkens back to the old school of this genre without sounding like a throwback. If this sounds appealing to you check it out. I mean it’s pecking good and this birdbrain doesn’t think too many people know about them. Peck it out… 7 Fucking Pecks.

So Dictionary.com defines petulant as “moved to or showing sudden, impatient irritation, especially over some trifling annoyance.” Does that sound metal to you? Blackened thrashers The Petulant release Dictum on Mighty Music. The question is “Waldo, is it good?” It’s not bad, pretty standard blackened thrash, but has A LOT more life than a lot of contemporaries. There’s a couple of slower openings on this that kinda bum me out, but all in all it’s decent. That name though… Name-1 Fucking Peck. Music- 6 Fucking Pecks.

Portrait, really? You name your band Protrait?  Not something cool, like “Portrait Of An Evil Monster”? Why not just call it “Olan Mills”?  I gotta say though I beaking LOVE this… This is UNABASHED King Diamond worship without seeming like a total rehash. Wow, I mean the name Portrait makes a little more sense now (but is still lame).  Darker, thrashy, proto-whatever. Sounds like King Diamond/Mercyful Fate. I’m not a huge fan of Metal Blade stuff, but this is cool.  I like it. 8 Fucking Pecks.

Peace out, Jabronis… Waldo.