Rock to Bach

You ever heard “Piano Metal”? No? Well it fucking sucks.

Pornogrind would top my list of most inexplicable metal genres if it wasn’t for Germany. Folks over there continue to create “extreme” music that’s like some sort of aural Punk’d, where halfway through the song you’re sure someone’s videotaping your reaction behind two-way glass. Remember that this is the country who brought us Van Canto, the “Hero metal a cappella” band who never met a Metallica song they couldn’t make embarrassing.

Now we have In Legend, a “Hand-Hammered Piano Craft” group who spurns guitars to create a maelstrom of double bass, whiplashing hair and numerous tickled ivories.

There isn’t much to the actual video (don’t let the opening credits fool you). It’s a watery mixture of the trio playing in a empty room and the main dude sledgehammering a piano to give you the false perception that he too knows this is madness. But just close your eyes and let the music thoroughly bum you out.

I’m thinking if you took Burton C. Bell and asked him to do his clean vocals over an Evanescence song, you’d be close… except then you have to take out all the guitars. So yes, In Legend is worse that what I just mentioned.

I know just because this is “metal” it doesn’t have to fall under my jurisdiction and I’m far from the intended audience. But when you release a press photo like this:

I can’t help but submit my opinion. Quick idea, though- Baby Grand Pornogrind.