Bastard Tip Off Top 5 Bastards


Missouri-based bastards Bastard are following up their Alcoholocaust EP (2015) with their brutish new album, Rotten Blood (Distortion Music Group). Formed out of Harkonin, The Lion’s Daughter, and Stormruler scoundrels in 2011, the St. Lunatics have barged their way into our collective biker-bar brain with a direct thrash-black attack.

We asked front Bastard Jason Asberry (drums) what is Top 5 bastards would be. We sent off our missive, expecting to get a list of dictators, assholes, and shit-for-brains in return. You know, fuckwits like Stalin, Hitler, Pol Pot, Himmler, and spiritual shitbag Joel Osteen. To our surprise, Barron blasted us with a Motörhead list-banger that reads more like genuflection than excoriation.

Says Asberry with dirt under his fingernails, “Stone Dead Forever” roaring out of his boom box, and a true fuck-you attitude.

1. Lemmy Kilmister. Right off that bat, our number one Bastard is God. We picked God for all of the obvious reasons but most importantly we picked God because of what he represents–high-speed rock ‘n’ fucking roll. Every nerd walking around with a bullet belt and a venom shirt can thank this man right here.

2. Philthy Phil Taylor Our number two Bastard is the person who made flying on the double bass and laying deep inside the backbeat cool. Every nerd in high tops and a Metallica shirt can thank this man right here. Also he’s a fucking artist. He’s sensitive as shit.

3. Fast Eddie Clarke To wrap up the meanest three-piece this world has ever known, we’re picking Fast Eddie Clarke. Not only did he deliver some of the most raw rock ‘n’ roll riffs on the planet that many have tried to imitate, he could also sing damn well, too. Fastway wasn’t half bad either.

4. Phil Campbell Some of Motörhead’s best records are the ones that Phil played on. With some big shoes to fill he went on to give us Orgasmatron, Rock ‘N’ Roll, 1916 and rode that train all the way till the end. Every nerd in a fuckin’… ahh, never mind.

5. Mikkey Dee Last but certainly not least is a man who needs no introduction but we’re gonna give it to you anyway, and that’s Mikkey Dee. With a track record like Scorpions, Motörhead, Kind Diamond, and others I’m surprised he doesn’t have to cart his balls around in a wheelbarrow.

** Bastard’s new album Rotten Blood is out now via Distortion Music Group. Order this mean bitch by visiting the band’s Bandcamp (HERE).