This week we’re with Shane Torres, a New York City-based comedian, writer and staunch defender of Guy Fieri. You’ve seen him on Comedy Central, Conan, and Last Comic Standing. Shane tours internationally and can be seen this summer at Comedy Central’s Clusterfest and Bonnaroo! We sent him some of our all time favorites from various extreme metal subgenres and this is what he had to say.
Gene’s take: Glen Benton; life coach and poetic muse.
TORRES: The singer sounds like Cookie Monster going through a meth withdrawal. I will be honest though, I like the guitar solo. Truly, who stays this mad into adulthood? It takes a lot of commitment.
Prowler in the Yard
Gene’s take: Because who hasn’t gone through a really bad breakup?
TORRES: If I am being one hundred percent honest this music to me sounds awesome. I can’t listen to it every day because I don’t have this kind of anger anymore; maybe if Trump serves a full term I could come back to this. “Piss Angel” sounds like what is playing inside Jared Kushner’s head behind his muted I-Robot face.
Sorrow and Extinction
Gene’s take: Probably my favorite Doom Metal song ever and quite possibly the only 10-minute song I have patience for.
TORRES: OK, so I am writing this as I listen to this song and it sounds peaceful, but based off the first two songs, I feel like something gnarly is about to happen. Also, this song is ten fucking minutes long, how much of it do I have to listen to? There it is: at approximately 2:40 into the song, the rest of the band joins in and it starts to sound like the Top Gun theme… but, you know, scary.
Satisfaction Is the Death of Desire
Gene’s take: Ignorant moshing… for Christ.
TORRES: Here’s the deal, I really like this song and I could listen to it over and over, but if my child (I have no children) was listening to this, I would assume that they are really going to get into lifting weights and buy a black jacket or that I should have shown up to more of their little league games.
Split w/ Ground
Gene’s take: About as derivative HM-2 worship a band can get without being sued by the Swedish government.
TORRES: The link to this song was not working, so fuck it, it’s my favorite song on the whole list!
Gene’s take: It’s just one of those days.
TORRES: I am actually a little pissed you sent me this song. That being said, I really loved it at the time. Whatever happened to them? If “Nookie” is their “Imagine,” then “Break Stuff” is “Here Comes The Sun” and that means no more Seasonal Affective Disorder today… Alright, I have to go now.