I got extremely nervous this week when I heard that Jennifer Lawrence broke up with her boyfriend. Not for myself (who was not, in fact, her boyfriend) but for Anna Faris, because I immediately realized that given the news, Chris Pratt and Anna Faris were a mere months away from getting a divorce.
You heard it here first folks: Aniston/Pitt/Jolie Part Deux. But I gotta hand it to Pratt; he was smart. As soon as the Law announcement came out, he went to Jared and doubled down. And a ride on the Faris wheel followed, one could assume.
We can ask Jerry Jones about this. In Dallas, no one’s favorite team lost again – And i do mean again. That was their second loss all season. Problem is, the playoffs are leingering, and though this loss was their first in months and months, this is the third straight that Dak Prescott put up under 150 yards. Is this guy ready to lead this team, or not?
Or Romo time?
But once again, Jerry Jones assured us, much like Chris Pratt, that he is ready to stick with who brought him to the dance. In this case, Dak.
I’m scared for Jerry. I’m scared for Dak. Scared for Romo. Scared for Dallas fans. And scared that I lead off a football column that I am responsible for with a TMZ like report. But hey, we’re going to have to roll with it and see how this works out, ya know? We’re too late in the game.
Ok. I have no clue what’s going on in Florida right now. I have Grandparents who LIVE there, and even they don’t know what the fucks up. No, I’m not referencing the Trump vote. I’m referencing both the Tampa Bay Bucs and the Miami Dolphins being good?! At identical 8-5 records, and reeking potential playoff birth havoc in their respective divisions, we are set to witness the first Florida football playoff game since Ray Finkle missed that fieldgoal back in the mid 90’s.
The Bucs are doing it with defense. I’m obsessed with Gerald McCoy or as I call him, Von Miller Jr. at a different position. The Dolphins are winning by…. actually, I don’t know HOW the hell the Dolphins are winning. They just are! Which brings me to my next point. New Dolphins HC Adam Gates is probably going to win coach of the year!
There’s something in the water in Florida, and it ain’t Snowflake.
I think I’ll go watch Florida Man in a fucking van somewhere until I pass out.
GONE FISHING or GO, FISH. Whichever one wasn’t the headline on the back of the LA Times the next day.
A couple weeks back, I mentioned Eric Dickerson not being a fan of Rams head coach Jeff Fisher SO MUCH that he vowed not to step foot in to a Rams game as long as Fisher was the coach. Well, guess who has to cancel his non-refundable trip to Hawaii and go to a Rams game next Sunday?
God, icing on the cake of the Rams’ week was the abysmal showing against the Seahawks last night, losing 24-3 against the Seahawks. Bounceback game against a cupcake for the Hawks who looked like crap last week against the Packers, so it’s understandable for the Rams to get killed as they did.
I dont know where this LA rams team is going in the future, but they are annoying me. Initially, upon firing Fisher, reports came out that the two leading candidates for thr coaching job were Jim Harbaugh and Jon Gruden. I mean, come on. Are either of those possible? And are they just pulling names out of thin air who they think will draw fans with their smash mouth coaching style? I mean, is Mike Ditka available? How about Bear Bryant? How about Kris Bryant? What about Phil Jackson? He could be the first crossover coach. Schwarzenegger?
This LA rams organization seems to care more about drumming up interest in the team through flash in the pan nonsense than winning the game in front of them. They should probabaly realize winning games drums up interest.
One thing about the NFL: you dont need a big name coach to get your team rolling in the right direction. Even if youre in a major market. For example, most people dont know the name or the New York Giants head coach; a coach who has a great team about to be lead in to the playoffs. I will look up his name, then tell you it in the next segment.
Falcons Oc Kyle Shannahan is probably the favorite and the best pick for this Rams job next year. Head coach of stanford David Shaw is a great homer pick, but may face a learning curve entering an unsafe NFL enviornment with such a question mark of a team. They should go after Shannahan like hes at the top of their list of prom dates and they heard he liked them from Dickerson.
THEY COULD BE GIANTS?
The Giants coach is named Ben McAdoo, by the way. McAdoo is an example of what to do when your Coach is fired, moves on, retires, or dies when the core of your team is still good: Appoint from within.
Man, I’m telling you right now, watch the hell out with these Giants. Their offense continues to be scary and without question, they have the ability to win in a shootout if necessary. But their defense. It’s hard as a mofo. Free agents vets like Janoris Jenkins and Damon Harris, nicknamed “Snacks,” have panned out well.
Normally, a team being forced to start a playoff run on the road hurts said team, but this won’t faze the Giants in two weeks. Right now, I wouldn’t be surprised if we see a matchup of this week’s Sunday Night game in the NFC Championship this year. What could be better?
The XXX-MAS SPIRIT
I really don’t know what to make of this story:
Apparently, ex- Running back Jamal Anderson, who you may remember from the overrated as hell Hotlanta Falcons “Dirty Bird” team in the 90’s, reminded me he existed this week when he went in to a convenient store, thankfully drunk (making it justifiable), and exposed himself to the clerk. Exposed meaning “Penis taking out, and playing with it.” Was I bummed when I heard this? Of course! I cried for the entire afternoon.
But I immediately wiped those tears when I read that Anderson was in fact let free to go! He’s not in prison right now! It’s all because the clerk, who I only could assume is a Saint, chose not to press charges. Because of that, a year in prison basically became a ride home and a slap on the wrist. Or should I say, nuts. Santa is real, and spectacular.
SAGER IS SO
And finally this week, the NFL lost a great man this week. Oh wait, the NFL doesn’t have any great men. That’s right, the NBA lost a great man. Sidelines reporter and absolute legend, inside and out, Craig Sager lost his battle with cancer this week and passed at the age of 65.
Do i love the NBA? Not like i love Football, but yes. Its a perfect “im drunk sport/hung over sport. And one of those things that kept me hanging in the game, and on TILL the final interview after the final basketball was MY FAVORITE sideline reporter of all time, Craig Sager.
My thoughts Sager:
He is a chicago suburbs guy, like me.
He was a massive Chicago Cub fan, and got to see his World Series before passing.
He had a Pro Wrestling mentality throughout his career that i tuned in on very early on. His wardrobe choices were something out of Randy Savage’s book. He would get chewed out consistently by a plethora of meat head coaches and players for said wardrobe, almost giving them the oppotunity to cut a wrestling promo on him. Again, WRESTLING.
He was a sideline reporter that everyone had love, respect, and admeration for because we loved his spirit, and him wearing his heart on his sleeve; something seemingly harder and harder to do these days.
He was an ecentiric, fun, smart fan first commentator. He loved the game he was tied to and his presence in said game exceeded the love he had for it (also rare).
I will miss him a great deal. Everyone will, and I can only help one day the NFL, may favorite sport, has the ability to hang their hat on a pillar half the size of Segar.
Pick of the Week
Tampa + 3 1/2 over Dallas