“The weak pale in the face of both baking and metal!” Metalcakes proprietor Kathy Bejma declares when asked how she first came to realize heavy metal and cupcakes belonged in the same mixing bowl. “Plus ovens are like little mini hells accepting your sacrifice of unborn chickens, butter, and sugar…Occasionally I’ll get the How dare you attempt to reduce the mighty genre of metal to a fucking cupcake comment, but I don’t really care. What are you doing to thank your favorite bands for being awesome? Oh! Illegally downloading their music? Good for you, asshole!”
Skeptics of crossover desserting should consider the following before rushing to un-tasty judgement: Edible Autopsy. Cupcakes of the Tyrants. Below the Cookies and Cremains. Twist of Candy Cane. Baptized in Fire and Frosting. Black Sweets of Vengeance.
That’s right. Bejma’s creations are manifestly more brutal than anything Cupcake Wars ever threw at an audience.
And now the extreme music’s very own Cake Boss has honored Decibel 100 with the extremely extreme Deci-Hell Metalcake, a demonically delectable amalgamation of chocolate, Hell Hath No Fury Stout, black cherry puree filling, Philadelphia Cream Cheese frosting, and a few cherry Pop Rocks on top to — as Bejma put it — “literally add some decibels to the cake.”
The recipe, for those who dare taste the forbidden cake, is written in digital blood after the jump…
Deci-Hell Metalcakes (Makes 18)
1 ½ cups all-purpose flour
1 cup packed brown sugar
1/3 cup cocoa powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
½ teaspoon salt
1 cup Hell Hath No Fury… Ale
1/2 cup vegetable oil
2 tablespoons apple cider vinegar
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
For the Filling:
1 ½ cups black cherries
For the Frosting:
2 packages of Cream Cheese (8oz each), room temperature
1 1/2 cups powdered sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
Cherry Pop Rocks, for topping
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Line a cupcake tin with baking cups, and set aside.
In a large bowl, whisk together flour, brown sugar, cocoa, baking soda, and salt.
In a separate bowl, whisk together beer, oil, vinegar, and vanilla.
Pour the wet mixture into the dry mixture and whisk until just combined. Be careful not to over mix.
Fill baking cups about two-thirds full with batter.
Bake for 16 to 18 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted in the center of a cupcake, comes out clean .
Allow cakes to cool in the pan for 10 minutes before removing to a wire rack to cool completely.
Once cakes have cooled, insert a paring knife into a cupcake at a 45 degree angle, about ½ an inch from the edge.
Cut a cone shaped piece from the center of the cupcake, and remove. Eat or discard cake cone.
Repeat with each cupcakes.
Remove pits from the cherries.
Using either a food processor or blender, puree cherries. Be careful not to process them for too long. You want chunks of cherries, not cherry juice.
Fill the cavity in each cupcake with a heaping teaspoon-full of black cherry puree.
To make the frosting: In the bowl of an electric mixer, beat cream cheese,powdered sugar, and vanilla together.
Continue beating until light and fluffy.
Frost completely cooled cupcakes.
Top with a handful of cherry Pop Rocks.
Decibel: Hey, Kathy, how’d you end up a metalhead, anyway?
KB: I am the second daughter of a second daughter, which is closer to being the Seventh Son of a Seventh Son, than anybody else I’ve ever met! I really got into metal after I saw High on Fire play at the Fireside Bowl in 2001. I went with some friends from work, not knowing anything about High on Fire, and only like one Sleep song. As soon as they started playing, I froze. They were SO HEAVY! I was thinking “Where have you been all my life?!” It was like I woke up, and that was that. So High on Fire will always have place in my cold black heart. Plus I’m really lucky to live in Chicago where we have awesome metal bands like Lord Mantis, Cianide, Atlas Moth, Wolvhammer — although I think most of their members are from Minneapolis, but they live here — Nachtmystium, American Heritage, and Lair of the Minotaur, playing shows here more frequently than any other place.