Philly, Come Hang at the DTV Party Tonight

Yes, I’m writing this myself, which is lame, but not as lame as shaving the killer beard you accrue after spending a seven-year coma impressing Kelly LeBrock with your flaccid ding-dong. Anyway, the DTV release party is tonight in Philadelphia at an excellent and cheap bar called 12 Steps Down, and if you live here or nearby, you should check it out. I’ll be selling copies, the soundtrack will kick things off at 7 p.m. (Wolvhammer, Atlas Moth, Graf Orlock, Austerity Program, Stomach Earth, Matthew Widener, Majeure, Steve Moore, Total Fucking Destruction, Old Head, Lauderdale, Dirt Farmer, Early Graves), a fist-pumping 80s action playlist will ensue afterwards, there’s a special action-themed drink special list that will turn you into the image above, and an arm wrestling contest will be held to win a copy of this bad boy. And then and only then we can all throw up. Details after the gross video.

(1:12 – 1:27)