Welcome to The Five Days of Deciblog Christmas, in which we corral your favorite extreme heroes into revealing embarrassing holiday anecdotes. Consider it free bonus footage as you prepare to give Amazon half your paycheck because you’re too lazy to support local businesses. On day four, after the jump, we stuff your stocking with “My Favorite Xmas Horror Movie.”
SEAN MCWEENEY, THE SAFETY FIRE
Gremlins. A perfect Christmas film—never mind, Christmas horror film. A Christmas gift that closely resembles a Furby (and only a little less annoying) goes horribly wrong, resulting in an idyllic American town being terrorized by 7-inch-tall scaly demons. Billy (a teenager played by a guy pushing 30) receives Gizmo, a cute little pet that spawns small, evil monsters when water is spilled on it.
This film was rated PG in the 80s, but check out the brilliant methods of murder: an old couple gets bulldozed, an old woman is thrown from a second story window after her stair-lift is hotwired by one of the demon bastards, one gremlin gets microwaved and another gremlin gets purified in a blender! This festive feast also includes a gruesome tale about how Billy’s girlfriend Kate finds out that there isn’t a Santa. Kate’s father disappeared on Christmas Eve and was missing for five days until she lit a fire in the fireplace—that’s when she smelled her father’s rotting body! Later on, the fire brigade pulled out his corpse dressed in a Santa suit. Brutal!
Gremlins 2 is probably the second-best Christmas horror film. There are more comical and gruesome deaths, as well as a scene where one of the gremlins drinks a potion to become a spider-gremlin with Slayer’s “Angel of Death” as the soundtrack—what could be more evil?!
Also, the great Scottish post-rock band Mogwai are named after the type of creature that Gizmo is!
JEREMY WAGNER, BROKEN HOPE/LUPARA, author of THE ARMAGEDDON CHORD
I’d definitely say Gremlins. Jack Frost (the horror flick, not the Michael Keaton one) is a close second place.
LORD WORM, EX-CRYPTOPSY
Oh puh-leeze! What else? Black Christmas!
WILL CARROLL, DEATH ANGEL
Silent Night, Deadly Night
K. ALLEN WOOD, editor SHOCK TOTEM/publisher HOLIDAY TALES OF THE MACABRE AND TWISTED
Gremlins. There are a lot of classics that I really dig, like the original Black Christmas, To All a Good Night and Silent Night, Deadly Night, but Gremlins has that touch of nostalgia that the others lack. Of course, it’s really not a “Christmas horror” movie. Have you seen Treevenge? It’s a hilariously absurd short film that I saw for the first time last year. It’s probably still on YouTube. Definitely worth checking out.
JOHN STRACHAN, EARLY GRAVES/THE FUNERAL PYRE
I don’t have one. I just have my favorite Xmas movie, which I like to watch year round: Christmas Vacation. Uncle Eddie is a fucking legend.
RICHARD CHRISTY, CHARRED WALLS OF THE DAMNED
The original Black Christmas. John Saxon could kick Godzilla’s ass if he wanted to. He rules.
JOSHUA ANDREW BELANGER, ARTIST
Jack Frost takes the cake if you want to puke up the eggnog you just chugged from disgust and nervous anxiety from wanting it to be over. Gremlins for an honest to goodness good time. Just watched Rare Exports; now, as it’s not horror PER SE, I loved how “Santa”‘s animal eyes shimmered in the dark like Vin Diesel’s in Pitch Black.