Halloween Costume Breakdown 2011

I know what you’re thinking. “A little late for Halloween, idiot.” Wrong, idiot. I wrote this weeks ago.
Just for kicks, this Halloween I decided I’d dress up as a “metal head.” I do, of course, listen to metal. But I’d say that my actual style is a lot more casual, since I usually don’t change out of my sweatpants. Then, as it turned out, all the pants I own are sweatpants. So I had to go online to check out the commercial heavy metal costumes. The selection was overwhelming. It began with Zombie Slash, pictured above. Clearly that dude knows how to rock.

Glam metal was the obvious way to go, but who wants to be obvious? Besides, these just look like dudes at karaoke night. I could spray paint my sweatpants and get a similar effect.

It occurred to me that by simply switching wigs, I could be every member of Crue in the same night. There they are: all of them. But then I’d have to keep changing wigs.

Then I saw this. Apparently at the costume warehouse they don’t distinguish between a gay vampire and a metal head. Then again, they also had this awesome Eddie costume mislabeled.

And look at these kids costumes. I was too big for them, but if you push that hairline back you’re looking at a Nergal. And they even make a rockabilly for Mexican Rancid fans.

In the end I wore my sweatpants that say “Pedophile” down the leg and brought some cheese curls with me: everyone’s favorite pornogrind fan. And it was a good idea.

You shouldn’t go as King D anymore because every hipster at the party will show up ironically dressed the same as you.

The only time it’s cool to be Living Slash and Axl is when you’re two fat chicks doing it to be funny.

And, if you want to be someone iconic, then you have to make it dead or sexy. A lot of people think that “sexy Halloween” rule only applies to women, but it applies to men, too. Suddenly a boring Lemmy costume becomes a “sexy” Lemmy costume with those shorts. Same thing for Halford: you can’t see it, but the ass cheeks are cut out of those jeans, creating a “sexy” Rob Halford effect. I guarantee both of those dudes got laid…and the Halford stayed in character.