We’re just a few weeks away from the return of the NFL, thank god. So, as usual, we contacted some of our favorite extreme musicians to pump up the underachieving fuck-ups they call their favorite teams. This Wednesday, two of the Bay Area’s finest, Scott Kelly of Neurosis and Chris Brock of Early Graves, try to find a silver and black lining with the Raiders
SCOTT KELLY – NEUROSIS
No Nnamdi, no Miller, new coach, and an owner that just won’t get over himself. It’s dark in here. In the end, in the NFL, as in life, all I want is respect. I want to know that the rest of the league knows that we can take a bite out your face and leave your hopes and dreams bleeding in the gutter. I think Hue Jackson brings that to our team; I don’t think we’re gonna be sleepwalking through any games like we did last year. I think we’re gonna be in a bunch of close games. Our offense would be great if we had a defense to complement it, but we do not. Anybody who comes up against us will get into a scrap and lose some skin and a couple teeth. Fuck it. 8-8. No playoffs. I pray that I am wrong.
CHRIS BROCK – EARLY GRAVES
Well, it’s the start of a new football season that is finally going to happen, and yet again the Oakland Raiders are in a place where I don’t have a ton of hope for a playoff-bound run. At the end of last year, I knew they would lose Nnamdi and possibly Michael Bush, and instead they lost their star cornerback and star tight end, Zach Miller, the only two players on the team anyone had any confidence in at all. Not surprisingly, the Raiders drafted the fastest guy available in the draft, DB Demarcus Van Dyke, and made a not-too-shocking reach in the supplemental draft for another quick player in QB Terrelle Pryor. I think its really stupid that he is being forced to sit five games because of a ban the NCAA made on him, and even more ridiculous that Pete Carroll in Seattle isn’t getting anywhere near the kind of treatment that Pyror is, even though his ethics and college coaching career are just as checkered. But I’m a Raider fan, and it wouldn’t be right for a Raider to not bitch and complain about unfair treatment the Raiders seem to get from the NFL. I also am really glad that new coach Hue Jackson told Pryor that he cannot wear number #2. The haunting image of a quarterback wearing that number for the Raiders will chap my ass for possibly life thanks to JaMarcus the Hutt.
The good news for Oakland however is that the run game is still intact, with the 1-2 punch of Darren McFadden and Michael Bush. QB Jason Campbell has another year under his belt learning the offense, and let’s be honest, at least he isn’t Kerry Collins, Andrew Walter, Charlie Frye, Jeff George, Aaron Brooks, Marques Tuiasosopo, Josh McCown, JaMarcus Russell, and whatever other abortions they’ve had at quarterback since Rich Gannon got hurt. Also, rookie wide receiver Derek Hagan has looked solid in preseason and second-year man Jacoby Ford looks ready to build on his impressive rookie season, even without much playing time in the preseason due to a broken hand. I also really like Louis Murphy and new tight end Kevin Boss, who the Raiders will look to produce modest but solid numbers in the passing game. If the o-line can protect Jason Campbell for longer than one second, I believe he has a solid chance of making the Raiders offense not look like a Pop Warner team , and the running back tandem will certainly help move the chains.
All in all, I think with the AFC East in the Raiders schedule and the Chiefs not getting any worse, there is no chance the Raiders make the playoffs. 9-7, tops. And that’s a very hopeful 9-7.