Tour diaries suck. Here’s one from the future from Great Falls bassist/Decibel tell-it-like-it-isser Shane Mehling (not pictured, thank god). They will cover Sponge songs on request, but only from Rotting Pinata or Wax Ecstatic. Shudder before the insightfulness.

Great Falls Future Tour Diary

Wed, Aug. 3 – Baltimore, MD
Fly in late and get picked up by our friend Cole, guitarist/singer for Passage Between. We’re already stoked to be touring with them and first thing when we get in the car he starts playing the radio, which is something we’re all super into. We end up crashing right away to the sound of gunfire.

Thurs, Aug. 4 – Baltimore, MD @ Golden West Cafe
We wake up disoriented being on the other coast and the morning coming at us three hours early. But we shake it off and get pumped for our first show with Drugs of Faith and Full of Hell. All the bands are great and we play okay, but drink too much and our drummer starts a fight with the sound guy halfway through. Still a pretty good show. We party afterwards and all stay at different people’s houses, for sex.

Fri, Aug. 5 – Annandale, VA @ The Cellar Door
Our first drive is a little longer than we expect, but we spend a bunch of time dissecting the pros and cons of the debt ceiling and the practicality of a balanced budget amendment. Also a farting contest. We finally make it to the club to meet Gradius and hook back up with Drugs of Faith, who won’t look us in the eye. Something about us taking all the money from the door the night before. We ignore them and play to three people who think it’s a wine bar.

Sat, Aug. 6 – Richmond, VA @ Strange Matter
We hear Fixtures was amazing, but miss them to have beers at a strip club operated out of a guy’s kitchen.

gf font

Sun, Aug. 7 – Philadelphia, PA @ Kung Fu Necktie
We’re super happy to play Decibel and Relapse’s hometown, but all our friends call at the last minute and cancel. We’re disappointed, but then relieved when our drummer gets in a fight with the sound guy before we’ve even completely loaded in and Jaime Getz says we’ll never play Pennsylvania again. We hear Gods and Queens and the Catalyst are really good and vow revenge.

Mon, Aug. 8 – New York City @ Lit Lounge
Super excited to play with Fashion Week. We show up to an abandoned building and a homeless guy riding in a shopping cart says the place has been closed since the ’80s.

Tues, Aug. 9 – Syracuse, NY @ Badlands.
On the way up the van breaks down and instead of fixing it, we pose in front of the engine, drink Pabst, give metal horns and show off our back patches. We call Engineer to ask if anyone in the band is a car engineer. They ask us to never contact them again.

Wed, Aug. 10 – New Brunswick, NJ @ The Cuckoo’s Nest.
We find a mechanic who says he can fix the problem cheaply. Everything seems set to go until we start doing our classic Sopranos bit. I have to ask my parents to wire us money and we miss the show.

Thurs, Aug. 11 – Brooklyn, NY @ The Acheron
We spend most of the day trying to find the shooting range from the Biohazard video for “How It Is.” We end up somewhere pretty close, but Xaddax call to tell us the show ended hours ago.

Fri, Aug. 12 – Cambridge, MA @ O’Brien’s Pub
Really excited to play with Radiation Blackbody, but our drummer phones the sound guy at his house and calls him a cunt so we have to cancel. Not even sure how he got the number.

Sun, Aug. 14 – Albany, NY @ Valentines
We play with Whiskey Is the Devil, who ask us why we don’t have shoes or shirts on and Sharpie all over our faces. We get in a huge brawl and head back to Baltimore.

Mon, Aug. 15 – Baltimore
We catch our flight and start busking in the aisles for spare change. We’re escorted off the plane in Houston.

[Embedding was disabled for the Biohazard video. This one’s better anyway.]