eBay Watch: Devin Townsend’s Spatula

Goddamnit! Why didn’t we see this BEFORE Mother’s Day? Forget tulips or perfume or a framed picture of your dumb-ass face. Can you imagine the joy mom would have experienced when she unwrapped Devin Townsend’s spatula? (Er, umm.) And don’t think this is one of those fancy spatulas that’s reserved for holidays and special occasions. Oh no, no, no. Mr. Townsend’s spatula has tasted the flames of hell, flipped Satan’s flapjacks, and lived to see another day. Check the authentic burn marks!

It’s going for $100 on eBay at the moment, thanks to 32 quality-obsessed bidders. To all the moms out there, on behalf of the Deciblog, I’m sorry we didn’t alert your thankless, sniveling shit kids to this gift sooner. You deserve the Excalibur of spatulas. Nothing less.

And now, a scene from UHF (one of the greatest movies ever)—the commercial for Spatula City! (Spatula City!)