Trend Report: Tea Is The New Mead

In the canon of manly (or womanly, thank you very much) things, three drinks reign supreme: beer, whiskey, and coffee. Or so we’ve been told. Wanna really and truly send a rush of blood to your bits? Drink some fuckin’ tea. I’ve been saying for years that tea is the most bitchin’ beverage, but it’s taken the brilliant minds over at UCB Comedy to hammer the message home. FUCKIN TEA is where it’s at. (“ANTIOXIDAAAANTS!!”) Tea isn’t just for the Queen of England. It’s for us hardcore tattoo-nippled, ax-wielding viking motherfuggers who like a little civility every now and then. (“I LIKE TO SMELL IT FIRST!”) Take your illy bean-grinding, Stumptown locally roasted, Peet’s fair-traded snobbery and shove it up your Dunkin’ Donut hole. Drop a fragrant sack of FUCKIN TEA into some boiling water, and let the good times roll.