Cowards of the County

Sorry kids, Dani Filth will not be appearing on a postage stamp or sculpted from a five foot chunk of marble in the center of Suffolk.

The ceremonial and non-metropolitan British county asked for its most iconic symbol on their tourism website and, like so many older people, they made the terrible mistake of leaving this completely in the hands of the internet. So of course, the internet chose a man who was raised there, very possibly, in a literal cradle of filth.

Of course the tourism board isn’t going to have Mr. Jesus is a Cunt being crowned as their number one export, even if he did receive six times(!) as many votes as second place. So instead they expunged him from the final voting list and people have to choose between Sutton Hoo, Adnam’s Beer and other things that sound ripped from Star Wars fan fiction.

I understand the uprising if Dani fucking Filth was allowed to become an official symbol of the county, but couldn’t they have at least given it a shot? Isn’t the point of the tourism board’s inane job to get more people to show up? Think of not only the metalheads who would love to come see the home of extreme blasphemy, but the protests. Holy shit, you know how many people would be bussed over there to chant their disapproval and then stop by the gift shop for a snow globe? Embrace the weird, fey, kind of goth Satan that Dani Filth sort of prays to, Suffolk. Do this for us and we’ll talk to Tampa about Glen Benton, we promise.