The Pretty Feckless

I’ve never seen a woman made of 100% guns and skank but check out the piece of meat Revolver has laid out on the slab for their new “Hottest Chicks” issue. Known for their substantive music reporting and progressive views on gender equality, the editors have again decided to beg you to jerk off on their magazine.

This time it’s Taylor Momsen, a model turned actress turned “hard rock” singer who is very talented. Hell, how could the girl known for her role as Cindy Lou Who in How the Grinch Stole Christmas not be a groundbreaking musician worthy of the cover for the world’s loudest rock magazine? Just check out this video for “Miss Nothing,” where she wears a nightie and then fucks a buffet. Look out, Patti Smith.

You know how there’s a bunch of bored tools who talk about attacking Justin Bieber on Youtube because something something metal? Well I don’t see him readying for a blowjob below a Children of Bodom album preview (not yet). How does this real Real Doll sell post-apocalyptic sex and disinfected shock rock without being called out by those same people? I think those thigh highs may help with the answer.

I didn’t know someone could make me long for a new Courtney Love video, but at least Love knows how to hold a guitar. This is just some sort of writhing harlot with a fake band who wears underwear in public and whose only noticeable talent is tranny makeup. And wait one goddamned second, she’s only 17 years old? Where the fuck are her parents? This isn’t Thailand. Shouldn’t they be immediately arrested? Or did an agent find her in a smoldering meteor filled with American Apparel and Parliaments?

I’d love to rage more against Taylor Momsen, but she’s only 17. I mean, if I had this kind of freedom at 17 I’d have probably gotten a Vision of Disorder neck tattoo and joined a sex cult. She’s seriously just a kid and should be given some slack. But there’s no doubt she’s being turned into a singing prostitute by a bunch of avaricious, merciless adults who see yet another sad and impressionable girl who can be systematically exploited to polish their bottom lines. But hey, free Slipknot poster.