Name a band who has appeared on Decibel‘s cover who’d be better comic-fodder than our favorite scumdog deviants, GWAR. Their discography is packed with extraterrestrials, Sexecutioners, gore-drenched satire, and killer penguins. Then there’s GWAR’s live performances, which have devoured droves of politicians and soaked millions in the blood, pus, and syphilitic ejaculate sprayed from every orifice and wound imaginable.
GWAR: Orgasmageddon is a crude and irreverent four-issue sci-fi splatstick extravaganza. Following a successful Kickstarter campaign, Dynamite Entertainment produced a story from Matt Miner, with Gwartwork from Jonathan Brandon Sawyer and major contributions from GWAR’s slave pit (Matt Maguire and Bob Gorman). Orgasmageddon will appeal not only to GWAR diehards, but also fans of Dynamite’s series The Boys (from Preacher creator Garth Ennis), Deadpool‘s self-referential bloodbaths, and Lobo’s Portrait of a Bastich. Now that issue #1 is ready for release, here’s my list of the 5 most insane panels in the GWAR: Orgasmageddon comic debut.
5. The (Perfect) Murder of Oderus
In a flashback, we see GWAR’s primary nemesis Mr. Perfect (later described as “if the blue guy from Watchmen fucked The Thing [from Fantastic Four] and crapped out a pretentious baby”) slaying Oderus Urungus with a sword. I’ll admit, I had a hard time suspending disbelief that Oderus could be defeated by a dude who’s so unflatteringly bald, but this is the main antagonist, so I’ll let it slide. Try reading this scene without wiping away a tear and pouring out a gulp of absinthe/malt liquor/ham water/urine in memory of Dave Brockie.
4. Sexcuse me, Allow Me to Sexplain the Anti-Heroes in this Issue
Maybe this panel’s old news to the lifers who tuned in to GWAR’s reign of terror since their Hell-o! debut, but for n00bs it’s a helpful intro to (most of) the colorful cast of intergalactic criminals. While it’s a blast seeing iconic delinquents like Beefcake the Mighty and Balsac the Jaws of Death, my favorite intro belongs to Pustulus Maximus: “Guitar. Proactiv “before” model. In constant, horrible agony.”
3. GWAR Slave Follies
In a special mini-comic, artist Scott Wygmans introduces this trippy, drippy illustration sharing the stomach-churning hobbies of Estrogina Lugubrious and Slymenstra Hymen. It’s simply not a GWAR comic without phallic innuendo at least every 2.5 panels. And for those curious, the issue met the minimum requirements of the Bechdel test well before this scene.
2. The Battle of Saratoga
As someone who lived in Saratoga Springs, NY for years, this revisionist account of the American Revolution’s pivotal battle scratched that splatterpunk historical itch I didn’t know I had. Our depraved time-traveling anti-heroes dismember bewildered Redcoats in a sequence that will surely be printed on massive flags and waved outside the White House on Independence Day.
1. Corporate Comics Still Suck
Forget everything about El Duce’s appearance in the Kurt & Courtney documentary for a minute. In Orgasmageddon, one of rock ‘n’ roll’s most tragic mysteries is solved when a certain grunge superstar suffers his bloody end at the hands of GWAR’s slimy, trigger-happy manager. While the alternate history doesn’t hit the same cathartic G spot as Quentin Tarantino’s Inglourious Basterds climax, it’s a bold choice that makes me curious what bat-shit bad-taste craziness the rest of the series has in store.
In closing, here’s an illustration of a dinosaur and a dick-shaped spaceship: