Notes About Nothing

“Can Roger Goodell change his name to Roger Badell already?”

Alright, folks, it’s that time of year. We have the Superbowl in a Week, and it’s once again time to reflect on the football season Seinfeld style. Here we go, year Three of the NFeLd Awards. So go to your coffee shop, kick back with a big glass of Bosco, or warm up one of those Poppy Seed muffins you eat all the time. Here’s to feeling good all the time. 

The Jerry Seinfeld “How Can Anyone Not Like Him” Award

Matt Ryan, QB, Atlanta Falcons

Way more likable than that other Matthew Jerry’s always dealing with.

George Costanza’s Pulp Player of the Year

Tyreek Hill, WR, Kansas City Chief

12 touchowns, including 3 kick returns for TD. Can move, Baby!

Kramer’s Roll out Tie Dispenser Need Award Winner

Cam Newton, QB, Carolina Panthers

Spills mustard on tie before big meeting with Seattle Seahawks. Benched for first quarter. 

The Joe Davola, Kicker of the Year

Justin Tucker, K, Baltimore Ravens

Justin Tuck deserves a trip to the ER, and he’s the one to send him there. Lets hope he has some cherry binaca handy. 

Elaine Bene’s Bisk of the Year

Sam Bradford, QB, Minnesota Vikings

Elaine: I signed this quarterback. We started out 6-0. There was talk of the Superbowl. Yadda, yadda, yadda, I never heard from him again. 

Lisi’s Sentence Finisher of the Year, for worst replacement

Carson Wentz, QB, Philadelphia Eagles

Carson: “Well, I’m sorry. I’m not Bradford. I’m me! Nice to meet ya!!!

The Jerry Seinfeld Kixer of the Year

Ezekial Elliot, RB, Dallas Cowboys

George: “Their whole offense revolves around Superman eating Cereal.”

The Brody Bootleg of the Year

Antonio Brown, WR, Pittsburgh Steelers

I was going to have Big Ben shoot it, but It’s an emotional moment, and frankly I don’t think he has the sensibility. 


The Defent Defensive Player of the Year

Ha-Ha Clinton-Dix, CB, Green Bay Packers

Usually, we hate the low course Ha’s, but not this year. 

The Lloyd Braun Name Tag Recipient

Odell Beckham JR., WR, New York Giants

Faught. Cried. Punched holes in walls. Beat up kicking net. A total lack of Serenity all sesson.

Robert’s Team Change of the Year

Jaimie Collins, LB, New England Patriots to Cleveland Browns

Jaimie: My new team sucks, but my old team rules. 

Jerry: I know. That’s why they lose very few players. 

The Rick Barr Property “I Show Up” award

Joey Bosa, LB, San Diego Chargers

Snaps on the team, management, refuses to sign, says he quit and shows up the first week of the season ensconsed. An emotional guy who no one takes seriously. 

Newman’s Prettyboy Award, for Nice Game of the Year

Colin Kaepernick, QB, San Francisco 49ers, vs Chicago Bears, Sunday, Dec 4th, 2016.

Newman: 1-of-5 passing for 4 yards and benched in the 4th Quarter against a 25th ranked defense? I despise him! 

Nana’s “Drop Dead” Curse Out of the Year

Packman Jones, CB, Cinncinatti Bengals, vs. Police Officer

Policeman: “Oh, Dear.”

The Chapter 2 Award, for most oustanding emotionally charged letter

Olivia Munn, girlfriend of Aaron Rodgers

Clay Matthews purchases painting out of obligation. 

Seth’s Firing of the Year

Jeff Fisher, HC, LA Rams

Has good job in LA and misses several important meetings on Sunday afternoons. Now having lunch with Moochy.  

Elaine’s Diaphram Award, for Biggest Sexual Devise Mishandling.

Dildo on field,  Bills/Patirots, Oct 2nd, 2016

Bills Fan: “You never know where youre gonna need it, right?

The You gotta love sports” Game of the Year Award

10 lead changes, overtime, almost ends in a tie, but ends with a last second field goal on a Sunday Night while the Raiders are stuck having dinner with Peterman.

The Franco Interaction of the Year

Donald Trump and Tom Brady

Trump: I bet he called to congragulate me, but acted all aloof like he didn’t know me”

Brett’s “Desperado” Song of the Year

Lady Gaga, “Perfect Illusion”

 When this song comes on, time stops, because you know NFL Football is near. 

The Bob and Cedric Annoyance Stemming from Defiance Award

Colin Kaepernick, QB, San Francsico 49ers

The non-ribbon wearing equalvelnt of National Anthem obserbvance.

The Caught Award

Johnny Manziel, QB, no team

Haven’t heard from this guy in awhile. Somewhere in the shackles

The Caught Eating  a Block of Cheese the Size of a Car Battery Award

Odell Beckham/Giants recievers on boat days before playoff game

Sportsjackets were put on as soon as Coach Ben Mcadoo walked on the boat.

Human Farfel Award

Aquib Taleb, CB, Denver Broncos

Michael Crabtree’s chain replaced and paid for by Gavin Polone.