Encrotchment Week 3 With Eddie Gobbo

Pope comes to Philly. Forgives Decibel for Liturgy coverage.

Boyhood 2: 18 More Years of Bullshit

I want to begin this week by talking the massive blow the city of Dallas received this past weekend. No, I’m not talking about Sting’s injury, forcing him out of this year’s Wrestlemania at AT&T Stadium on Sunday, April 3. Actually, maybe I am.

Tony Romo broke his clavicle in this past week’s win in Philly. He’ll be out weeks upon weeks, and hopefully back for the final three games of the season. Add this to the Dez Bryant injury; the Dallas Cowboys are in for an uphill battle all season. What else is new for the team whose favorite movie is Young Guns?

Here’s the deal: The Cowboys, believe it or not, MAY be able to make this work. Their division is apparently weaker than everyone thought they would be. Take the Philadelphia Eagles, for example. Romo was injured with PLENTY of time left in Sunday’s game, and the Eagles couldn’t take advantage. I’m beyond surprised the Eagles didn’t smell blood and pull that game out. They actually should be ashamed of themselves for that. It was a big division game at home that they should have won convincingly, even with Romo in the game. I’m starting to see the main problem with the Philadelphia Eagles might be the pace of the game Chip Kelly demands his players play at, but that’s a story for another time, my children.

Brandon Weeden comes in and begins to shred their defense. Well, maybe not shred, but crumpled it and put it in his back pocket, like I used to do with my homework in college (7/7 for 73 yards, and a pivotal 42-yard touchdown pass to Terrance Williams, sealing the game).

This “FUCK YEAH” occurred.

By the way, when are we going to allow swearing in sports commentary? I mean, come on. It’s 2015. I hate having to hear a man my dad’s age say, “Gee whiz” to describe a frustrating play.

This Cowboy team could be the 2008 New England Patriots 2.0, who made a huge run to the playoffs behind Matt Cassel with Tom Brady shelved (ironically enough, the Cowboys signed Matt Cassel this week to be their third-string backup). Except these Cowboys actually have a light at the end of their tunnel. If they can tread water for essentially the whole season, and stay in the Wild Card conversation, Romo and Bryant’s return will usher in a playoff birth. From there, talk about momentum. They’ll make a Super Bowl run if they can make the playoffs.

Oh, Look Who Decided to Come to Work Today

Shout-out to safety Kam Chancellor, who just ended his financial holdout and will be returning to the Seattle Seahawks’ secondary this weekend. The ‘Hawks are 0-2 this year, but they’re likely to get back on track this week. This is going to be a “How Seattle Got Their Groove Back” game. This is the team’s home opener, and they play MY Bears this weekend, with backup QB Jimmy Clausen starting. Seattle is anticipating this game being somewhere between a period and a blood bath. Statistically, Seattle is listed as having a 92 percent chance of winning this weekend. I just saw the percentage line with my own eyes. I’m surprised it’s that low, actually.

Just so we’re on the same page, the Seahawks would have won Week 1 against the Rams if Chancellor was on the field, and probably would have at least been more in the mix for Week 2 against the Packers. Chancellor’s holdout cost his team at least a win. They will probably still make the playoffs, but let them go to Green Bay in December and see how much stockpiling early wins means. And yes, Angela Bassett is still hot at 70 years old.

Are You There, Peyton, Eli, Josh, and Luke? It’s Me, God.

I’m pitching a show to CBS this week. My Four Sons. Sort of a catch on.

Lucky Boy’s Confusion

I don’t think I’ve ever watched a team in the first two games of the season with two losses and eight turnovers, six of which created by the quarterback, and not been worried for their ultimate success. Then again, my car is currently on the Evanston, IL boot list, and I park on the street every night here.

The best way to pigeonhole the Indianapolis Colts this year is “out of sync,” mostly on the offensive side. Andrew Luck is missing targets and not taking care of the football. Their run game, led by Frank Gore, who I feel is one of the best backs in the league, has been inept. Adam Vinatieri is missing field goals, which is like Santa missing Christmas. I love WR Andre Johnson going forward this season, but he hasn’t been anywhere near the factor since arriving in Indy.

No team takes the field ever in a copacetic fashion to lose a game. But Indy knows they are the only real threat in their division. It’s sort of like the Green Bay Packers this year. The only difference is the Pack recognizes how important it is to stockpile wins for that coveted bye week.

For the first time ever in either of their careers, Chuck Pagano called out Andrew Luck for his spotty play during the postgame press conference.

“It’s not that hard; it’s not trigonometry,” was what Pagano said of the Luck’s troubles holding on to the football. He’s right: it’s actually geometry mixed with physics.

Luck took it like a man, though. He loves his coach, and his coach loves him. They are the Belichick/Brady tandem of the future. “LUCK CHUCK.” You heard it here first.

Suhlective Hearing

I like every week that there’s a Ndamukong Suh controversy. It allows me to dive into my stockpiled laundry list of “Suh” puns that my grandfather and I add to every week while we have our Werther’s Originals.

Suh is slowly becoming the NFL’s Allen Iverson, without the insane production. This week, it came to light that Suh, in this past Sunday’s loss to the Jacksonville Jaguars, was ignoring defensive plays called by the coaching staff and going off script.

Just so we’re on the same page, it’s normal at times for defensive players, especially on the front line, to deviate away from plays, pending the situation. They are supposed to be able to read situations and think on their feet. However, it seems in this case that Suh was just blatantly disregarding plays called in for the hell of it, probably because he disagreed with them. Since Suh is undoubtedly a leader on the squad, based on his credentials alone, coach Joe Philbin was critical of his lack of control. He said that Suh’s play led to the overall confusion from the defense.

Keep your eye on the relationship between Miami d-coordinator Kevin Coyle and Suh this whole season. It’s sucks for Coyle, but if he can’t get any respect out of Suh, he’ll be fired before the latter gets traded. Suh’s a once-in-a-generation type player. If Coyle can’t get that out of him, they’ll find someone else to try. Something tells me Suh won’t ever be truly happy and truly productive until he enters a team with a fullproof system with little if any bend. Reminds me of Randy Moss going to New England.

Nick at Newton

And finally this week, what is Cam Newton about to have in common with Marc Summers, Donnie Jeffcoat and Mike O’Malley? You guessed it: contracting Chlamydia from Brad from Hey Dude.

Also, is Moose still alive?

Pick of the Week

Baltimore -1 ½ over Cinci