2012 Hard Rock/Metal Grammy Noms Revealed, Hilarity Ensues

Sure, ripping the annual Grammy nominations (and then later the inevitable head-scratching winner, see above) is like shooting fish in a barrel, but we must point out that to be so utterly clueless about a major part of the music business (metal) for so long really does take some effort. At this point we can’t help but think they are doing it on purpose, just to see the howls of despair from the metal crowd.
The big reveal was last week and, even though they god-knows-why combined the hard rock and metal categories this year, they still managed to find a way to fail:

Dream Theater – “On the Back of Angels”
Megadeth – “Public Enemy No. 1”
Foo Fighters – “White Limo”
Mastodon – “Curl of the Burl”
Sum 41 – “Blood In My Eyes”

Can you spot the one that just doesn’t fit? Of course you can, dear metal fan, because you are not an idiot. They had to stick Sum 41 in there, because apparently Metallica hadn’t recorded any cover tunes that they could nominate (and then give the Grammy to to make up for, well, see above). A blind chicken pecking at piece of paper with all the actual hard rock/heavy metal albums recorded in 2011 would have made a better nomination. Seriously, Recording Academy, you couldn’t come up with five hard rock/heavy metal bands?!

So, we salute this annual celebration of mediocrity—which inevitably features a nominee doing a cover song, or a live version of a song originally written three decades ago—with horrible bands covering shitty songs (future Grammy noms, perhaps?). We know this is a stretch, but go with the humor here.

The only thing worse than Nickelback is another Canadian band not named Nickelback covering their songs. Why, Sum 41, why?!?

We don’t want to seem like we’re picking on Canadians here, but Avril Lavigne’s toneless rendition of an already mediocre Metallica tune seems like perfect Grammy fodder.

This is the kind of crap that the Grammy’s love—a radio-friendly “metal” band doing a retro Top-40 tune. These are things we can do without, indeed.

So, lemme get this straight, a band that’s like a third-rate version of Bush, who are a third-rate version of Nirvana are doing a cover of a super-fey pop song from the ’80s? Yeah, that sounds great.

A tip for 2012 nominee Dream Theater: If you wanna win a Grammy for real (we all know that this one’s going to Sum 41, right?), next year come armed with an epic studio version of this tune.