Not Quite Naughty Enough

Yep. It’s that time of year again when everyone starts bitching about department stores replacing the Katy Perry jams on the overhead sound system with whatever yuletide shit is forcing Burl Ives to roll over in his grave this year. Determined not to be outdone by Zakk Wylde — who is apparently following up his American Idol stint with a Black Label Society acoustic Christmas EP — Century Media records recently unveiled its official holiday collection, which includes such cheeky metalli-presents as the “Black Metal Face Ornament” and “Pentagram Christmas Stocking (Black)”.

Whether the label is deliberately attempting to get a rise out of Varg or just nudging Napalm Death towards recording A Very Grindcore Christmas is not quite clear, but if we’re trying to bring modern Christmas evil stateside again we’d do well to take a gander at two recent imports that sing the darkest noel right — the Dutch film Sint and last year’s Finnish release Rare Exports.

Don’t get me wrong — I’m pleased to see Century Media offer friends and family of Slipknot fans a gift giving option that doesn’t require they visit a Spencer’s. At the same time, it isn’t exactly the sort of thing that will get the scolds up in arms, a la Siskel and Ebert bitching about Silent Night, Deadly Night circa ’84, is it? Which means, alas, we’re probably destined to have the same predictable conversations about the Muzak as last year. What else is there to do, save crank the Marduk?