Grandpas of the Grave

Geezer Butler confirmed this morning that, contrary to rumors, “there will be definitely no reunion of all four original members of Black Sabbath, whether to record an album or to tour.” I’d like to be one of the first people to say it publicly- Great.

Black Sabbath is one of the only classic metal/rock bands in the world who have been blessed to have all their original members still living, but why does it then logically follow that they have to again get back together and again play forty-year old material? Folks could appreciate Heaven & Hell because it was a criminally underrated version of the band and who doesn’t love Vinny Appice, my second favorite Appice? But Sabbath with Ozzy? Again? Who in the fuck needs that?

Okay, I’m sure there are still plenty of people happy to spend seventy-five dollars to see a barely sentient millionaire hobble around the stage while being fed the lyrics to “Paranoid.” But for the good of metal, just fucking stop. Ozzy wearing a future suit looking like your crazed aunt while hanging with Justin Bieber? Do you really think he can get up on stage and embody the spirit of this music anymore or is it just a glib recreation, crooning soulless versions of “Sweet Leaf” and “Electric Funeral” that a hundred cover bands right now perform with more enthusiasm and love. How can a crowd derive any true appreciation from that?

And even Ozzy aside, the rest of the band are, come on, too fucking old. Geezer is finally a literal geezer. I don’t care if you wrote “War Pigs,” you’re in your sixties. You made one of the greatest contributions to music of all time, but you live in mansions and have stars on the walk of fame. Go home and read a book, Methuselah.

Now there’s no real reason to bitch since the reunion isn’t happening, but Sabbath are the first generation of metalheads and sooner or later every grinding, shredding, shrieking musician is going to have to exit stage left and try to age gracefully. I don’t mean to be a downer but do you really think Danny Herrera will be blasting from a wheelchair? Athletes are constantly criticized for sticking around too long so why shouldn’t metal musicians be treated the same way? It can be a strenuous activity and no matter how dedicated you are, sooner or later you need to let the kids take over lest you seem like a stodgy coot tenuously hanging onto your youth. Because sometimes even when it’s not too loud, you’re still too old.