Meet Complete

Many of us spend our lives making fun of music. We hate country or deathcore or smooth jazz; we talk shit about Limp Bizkit and Ke$ha and Suicide Silence. But for the most part, we have to admit that these musicians and genres contain a modicum of ability. While people who like the String Cheese Incident may be considered stoned assholes, at least the band knows how to play their instruments. Do you see where I’m going with this? If not, let’s take a trip to Hoogie-Boogie Land.

Now I’m not sure how far you got through that song, but did you hear the part that goes “In Hoogie-Boogie Land we have no war, no hate, can you relate?” It’s a high point.

So this is the Ft. Worth band Complete. The quartet achieved minor success when a 1996 VHS tape of this performance landed on the internet. The band plays four songs and does a quick interview where they discuss working on their sound, how they came up with their moniker (which is much, much more complicated than you think) and a heartfelt explanation of why they don’t do covers from a man wearing a Dr. Seuss hat. Here’s another song, “Beautiful Sunrises.”

You into this? Yes you are. It’s sort of like a vinyl copy of Trout Mask Replica soaked in a gallon of Coors Light and played on a record player with a cigarette butt for its needle.

Youtube is, of course, filled with garbage. Out of every digital orifice drips the most talentless bullshit you’ve ever heard and seen. But Complete just seems so, well, complete in their total lack of understanding that what they’re producing is, even in the loosest terms, barely music. Even as outsider art, even by the standards that made the Shaggs popular and Wesley Willis a virtuoso, this is real, real hard to get through. But maybe I’m wrong. Tell us who is worse, what music or band you would have a harder time listening to than Ft. Worth’s Complete. Please.