The Pretty Feckless

By: shane.mehling Posted in: uncategorized On: Thursday, October 14th, 2010

I’ve never seen a woman made of 100% guns and skank but check out the piece of meat Revolver has laid out on the slab for their new “Hottest Chicks” issue. Known for their substantive music reporting and progressive views on gender equality, the editors have again decided to beg you to jerk off on their magazine.

This time it’s Taylor Momsen, a model turned actress turned “hard rock” singer who is very talented. Hell, how could the girl known for her role as Cindy Lou Who in How the Grinch Stole Christmas not be a groundbreaking musician worthy of the cover for the world’s loudest rock magazine? Just check out this video for “Miss Nothing,” where she wears a nightie and then fucks a buffet. Look out, Patti Smith.

You know how there’s a bunch of bored tools who talk about attacking Justin Bieber on Youtube because something something metal? Well I don’t see him readying for a blowjob below a Children of Bodom album preview (not yet). How does this real Real Doll sell post-apocalyptic sex and disinfected shock rock without being called out by those same people? I think those thigh highs may help with the answer.

I didn’t know someone could make me long for a new Courtney Love video, but at least Love knows how to hold a guitar. This is just some sort of writhing harlot with a fake band who wears underwear in public and whose only noticeable talent is tranny makeup. And wait one goddamned second, she’s only 17 years old? Where the fuck are her parents? This isn’t Thailand. Shouldn’t they be immediately arrested? Or did an agent find her in a smoldering meteor filled with American Apparel and Parliaments?

I’d love to rage more against Taylor Momsen, but she’s only 17. I mean, if I had this kind of freedom at 17 I’d have probably gotten a Vision of Disorder neck tattoo and joined a sex cult. She’s seriously just a kid and should be given some slack. But there’s no doubt she’s being turned into a singing prostitute by a bunch of avaricious, merciless adults who see yet another sad and impressionable girl who can be systematically exploited to polish their bottom lines. But hey, free Slipknot poster.

  • jfury

    The girl needs an appetite for ANYTHING. Taylor, I’ma buy you some donuts.

  • http://twitter.com/skazm Aviva Sieradski

    oy.

  • Jean_Eater

    i hate revolver.

    a friend got me a subscription (i already had a subscription to decibel) and literally every issue that arrives in my mailbox i throw out. it’s garbage. and as a woman wielding a guitar and belting out gruff howls for my own metal band, these “hottest women in cock rock” issues are literally 10 steps backwards for the forward momentum women in metal have gained in the past years.

    Decibel, thank you and your talented writers for not playing to the lowest common denominator and actually compiling interesting articles about MUSIC and MUSICIANS, regardless of gender, and just being an all-around kick ass rag.

    m/

  • Heart of Glass

    If she were 18, I’d say GAME ON!

  • III

    Anytime Revolver needs sales, they fall back on a “Hottest Chick” issue or a stock Pantera story, or they try to instigate rivalries between bands — like last month when they had a post on their site that claimed Rob Zombie had ‘called out’ Ozzy (what kind of fucking feud would that have been, anyways?) and all of the times where they’ve further instigated the Vinnie Paul/Phil Anselmo feud.
    The number one worst thing that magazine has ever done, though, was claiming on the cover a few issues ago that the magazine contained Pete Steele’s last interview when it only contained ONE FUCKING QUOTE from him in a story about the Bloody Kisses album cover.
    Thank you, Decibel, for not sinking to the level of being a goddamned heavy metal tabloid.

  • Binghead

    IPIHB

  • Mort

    revolver mag is an effing joke.

  • Helloiamdeathbrutal

    revolver must be owned by mtv lol fuckin mainstream bullshit ..

  • Karlag

    First off, I’d say she’s known more for her role on Gossip Girl. And while the video does suck, the song isn’t terrible. Revolver does suck, but hey it’s a glossy mag that needs to sell to make money from advertisers. Is it any different than any other magazine?

    • Albert

      I can think of one it’s a bit different than.

      • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_AWJWR3BF3LCPCKCELLBT5B5EOM zach

        lmao

  • Anonymous

    Keep in mind that in several states, even kissing this girl will land you in prison and then force you to register as a sex offender for life.

  • BuckSatan

    The Heavy Metal community is the most conservative audience out there. Lighten Up! Fuck! As Mick Jagger once said, Its Only Rock N Roll but I Like It!

  • hansturdburgler

    Aren’t we feeling self-righteous.

  • Derptard

    Gotta say, you sound like a puritan. Which is very un-metal. Won’t someone think of the children?! She’s a young woman, and she can do what she wants to do, and she’s probably happy to do it for the money. There are plenty of young women who do much dirtier things for money and love it. This is 2010 man.

  • Michelle

    Yeah, you’re not exactly sounding progressive either, buddy. “How does this real Real Doll”, “readying for a blowjob”, “writhing harlot with a fake band who wears underwear in public and whose only noticeable talent is tranny makeup.”

    Come on, if you’re going to insult Revolver for reducing this woman to a sex object, don’t turn around and do the same exact thing.

  • Cakesssssnakes

    and this is why i fucking love decibel magazine.

  • botzi

    i saw the video and its prety lame imo

  • botzi

    i saw the video and its prety lame imo

  • grinderpunk

    How about an article about metal? Revolver can suck my balls.

  • Hyperbole Machine

    The only line in this whole article that stuck in my mind post read was “Vision Of Disorder neck tattoo”. Underrated band.

  • KrakyFlakes

    Money talks and sex sells. Pretty reckless isn’t terrible and maybe in their upcoming videos they can use one of the guys from the band and put him in underwear and clear heels. It’s always hard to take an attractive person seriously and putting her in underwear in every video probably isn’t the best idea. But like I said that’s what sells. But also keep in mind that you shouldn’t hate her because she’s beautiful. Find a valid reason. I just recently became frustrated with revolver and set out to find something more and I came across oderus on the cover of decibel (minus the gigantic cock) and said this is it, i like already. Everyone has to start somewhere and Taylor being only 17 has a long way to go…and if she’s truly metal she come around. But as of right now she is DEFINITELY NOT metal. Sorry Taylor.

  • Will Kemp

    You aren’t wrong about the magazine but it’s not really cool to call a 17-year-old girl a ‘piece of meat’, a ‘writhing harlot’, and a ‘Real Doll’. You just objectified her worse than they did, which I don’t think was your point. She hasn’t personally done anything to you, she’s 17 for crying out loud, so rant at the magazine and not the girl herself. Otherwise you’re worse than they are really.

  • Jared

    I think it should be said that despite the undeniably corporate approach (including by her, she plays into every fantasy you could make of her) she actually has a pretty solid voice.

  • Mozzi2008

    hey fuck,i’m from thailand…