Korn Shifts Gears, Explores New Territory

By: shane.mehling Posted in: featured, listen, stupid crap On: Wednesday, September 28th, 2011

korn

I was going to write what I hoped would be the definitive critique of the heart-stopping shit mountain known as Loutallica, but then I got this in my inbox:

Korn announced today that they will release their tenth studio album, The Path of Totality on December 6. But this is unlike any Korn record. It’s even unlike any record released before.

Goddamnit! So the blood-starved Pimp Rock undead are back, but don’t worry — this shit is going to be so incredibly new and different and out of left field and operating on a whole different plane of existence that musicologists will be trying to pick it apart for generations.

For The Path of Totality, the band collaborated with some of the leading dubstep and electronic producers in the world…

Motherfuckers! You make a hit song by handing over cheap lyrics and like one guitar riff to that glitchy, 8-bit pussy Skrillex and all of a sudden you’re boldy fusing metal and electronica? They already did that; it was called the Spawn soundtrack and it came out in 1997. You were actually on it. Were the Dust Brothers too busy for a “Kick the P.A.” update?

Listen, I know you don’t want to be stuck wearing full body paint and dancing with backwards hatted bimbos like your old friends LB, but this is not the way to go. You probably think this is setting you up to cruise through the next decade, hip to the latest thing and wagging your dick in front of a whole new crop of frustrated suburban tail, but how much longer can this really last? Your sound is being so thoroughly diluted by this point, you’re essentially just sticking your logo on someone else’s music like a Dupont patch on Jeff Gordon’s flame resistant jacket.

You’re grown-ups, fathers, multi-millionaire businessmen. Can’t you take a look in the mirror, so to speak, and see that maybe it’s time you put away childish things and pursue avenues that are a little more thoughtful and mature?

Korn announced that the first leg of their “Path of Totality (P.O.T.)” tour…

Fine, go fuck yourselves.

  • ewrecked

    they need to get heavier and get out of their radiofriendly comfort zone and tear shit up, there are countless bands mixing dubstep and metal. korn should know this with suicide silences singer starting a project like this. shit, i m supposed to be trying out for vocals in a techmetal band with dubstep samples (not that im in to dubstep muct im jsut trying to do anything musically) but srsly picking apart for generations? haaa

  • iron mtn

    These guys say this on every press release before every album. They are their own worst enemies when it comes to shameless, self hype. They should do a Doom Metal Record and break up after they finally got good…..

  • AT

    Kinda like shooting fish in a barrel, but still goddamn funny. Here’s hoping we still get your definitive critique of Loutallica.

  • Serpentspeed777

    Tombs should fight them all in an alleyway. At least I know I own the good record with that name,well minus “the”. Either way, die in a fire or if nothing else go buttfuck skrillex behind a burger king dumpster. All I’m getting at is just go the fuck away.

  • VFed

    I bet Jonathan Davis still has that stupid mustache, too. For someone apparently so against child molesters, he sure as hell doesn’t see the irony or the stupidity of that facial hair. I look at it this way: If the guy has yet to see the stupidity in that ‘stache at any point in the last 13 years, is it any wonder he doesn’t get (or remember) that the electronica-meets-metal thing didn’t blow up then and isn’t all that impressive now. I actually think some of the music they’ve put out in more recent years isn’t all that bad. But I’m not all that impressed by it for the same reasons I didn’t dig it when I was in high school: His singing sucks, his lyrics got old after the 2nd album, and he’ll never be able to recreate backup vocals to his choruses using his own voice in concert.

  • dr2

    u mad bro?